Click the link above for my (almost) daily thoughts.
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I’ve been hesitant to make this change for a little while now: Drop teaching yoga.
Well, not fully. As of today, I’ll continue teaching one Thursday evening class at Y2 a week. Which is exactly what I wanted, so I asked for it.
For months I’ve been feeling suffocated, overwhelmed, stagnant. And my life overall isn’t stressful – in my day job, the worst I could do is write something inaccurate or typo-laden or offensive. No one will die if I do my job badly.
But my schedule has felt packed in a way that makes me feel rushed from the moment I wake up.
Packed, all with good things. Writing and editing and sitting in meetings with creative people during my full-time job. Writing a bit on the side (which I am dying, dying to do more of). Practicing yoga daily. Teaching yoga at least three times a week, on work days. Jogging. Mothering a dog. Spending time with friends. Spending time with my boyfriend. Visiting my family.
I packed my schedule with this and I felt constantly rushed and I felt like I was constantly squeezing everything in. I was doing everything fine, but I was doing nothing great.
I wasn’t enjoying any of it. Not fully. Not deeply.
I’m really sick of how stagnant that made me feel. How distracted, how dissatisfied.
When I turned 28, all I could think was: If I keep going at this pace, I’m going to wake up when I’m 30, in a flash, and I’m going to wonder why I haven’t written something amazing yet. I’m going to wonder why I no longer have any close friendships. I’m going to wonder why my relationship doesn’t feel solid. I’m going to wonder why I didn’t spend more time with my parents. I’m going to wonder how strong my yoga practice could have been, had I given it more time. I’m going to wonder what could possibly bring me the happiness I don’t feel.
I’ve been spreading my time so thin – and the only chunk of it I’m willing to drop right now is teaching.
I still love it, so I still want to teach once a week, see how that feels. I can always go back to having more classes somewhere down the line. I can’t get rusty, now.
I dropped my classes today, all but one, and I instantly felt lighter. I instantly made plans with friends. I soon went on a jog. I took more time to write, and to plan articles.
But not too much time – I have a date for “The Phantom of the Opera” to settle into.
We can’t do it all and we’re not meant to. We have to choose where to spend our time. And we have to trust that our choice is what’s right. At least for now.